Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Where I point at myself and laugh

Phobia - an exaggerated usually inexplicable and illogical fear of a particular object, class of objects, or situation (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary)

It's that time of year again, the time when all of the creepy crawlies that have been minding their own business outside have decided to move their business into my house. As I described last year I do not like bugs. AT. ALL. It's a serious dislike and certainly ranks as a phobia because it crosses into the realm of being illogical. So I was not surprised, nor particularly happy, when the first camel cricket of the season showed up this weekend. There was much phone book throwing, squealing, and cursing going on in honor of it's appearance. Worse, it got away.

Ever since the little bugger escaped death by phone book, I've been thinking about it roaming around my home. sends shivers down my spine just thinking about it. So, this year I decided that I would do what I've been unable to do in the past. I decided that if I saw a centipede zipping around I'd let it live. Before I pardoned it from death by shoe, I planned on having a little discussion with said many legger. It went something like this:

Look bug, here's the deal. I don't like you. I don't want you in my house. But, I understand that you eat bugs. I'm willing to put up with you, but only if you kill off the camel crickets for me. Got that? You eat the camel crickets, I let you live. It's as simple as that.

Yesterday I encountered my first centipede of the season. Before I got the chance to have my little chat with the monstrous atrocity with too many legs I whipped my shoe off and bashed the bloody thing to death. It turns out that I have no control over my bug killing compulsions. It's a brutal reality, but one that I cannot avoid. I'm a hopeless bug killer.

Now, I'm sure all of you reading this are wondering two simple things. 1) Wow, is she really that crazy? and 2) Why doesn't she just call a freaking exterminator?

Which brings me to the really crazy part of this story. I actually have two phobias. The first is my spider/insect/centipede phobia. The second is my insecticide phobia. Yes, I'm afraid of bug spray. Deathly afraid of it. I have been wearing make-up daily for the past 25 years, I think nothing of reusing plastic bottles over and over again, I don't even blink when I slather on sun-screen, but spray bug spray near me and I'm going to freak out because I just KNOW it's going to give me cancer. I don't care about EPA studies, I don't care about dose amounts, there is no science that makes bug spray OK for me.

So, now you see just how crazy this problem is for me. I'm terrified of bugs and I'm terrified of the one thing that can actually get rid of them. So, I'm forced to choose between my two phobias and live with the one that's the least horrifying to me. I guess that means I should keep shoes and phone books handy, because they will likely get a lot of use this fall.


Mel said...

I hate bugs too, and I also have a phobia of killing them. I mean someone else has to do the shoe or phone book for me. But seriously, look into the granules that you can put in your yard. Sold at Home Depot. Promethrin (sp???). Hubby has been treating our yard with this stuff and it seems to have really helped.

JenFen said...

I can do nothing but read this post and laugh and thank you for the duality of your phobias because it is really quite entertaining. I didn't realize there was a certain time of year for that sort of thing and what the heck are camel crickets? Sun spiders are the big deal out here. They give me the heebie-jeebies and of course they ALWAYS turn up when hubby is gone and now my new kitties have taken to bringing them in the house ALIVE to use as batting toys. Urgh!

BTW - thanks for being such a loyal commenter on my blog and thanks for the compliment on Jake's new hair. It makes me feel a lot better that some people think he looks cute with it that short. It is kind of growing on me but then again, it is actually growing on me if you know what I mean. LOL!

London said...

Ugh camel crickets, we had those back in GA. I used to suck them up with the vacuum cleaner!!

My irrational phobia was short-lived. I think I was a little crazy back then, for a lot of different reasons.

Beth said...

Maybe Michael's not so crazy after all! LOL (Comparatively speaking)

Julie said...

I am Queen of Phobias, so I totally get it. Creepy crawlies are one of mine as well, although I am not afraid of bug spray to the same extent. I am not cool with spraying insecticide in the kitchen, cabinets, near clothing, etc. How about having a professional come and do the outside perimeter of your home, so that perhaps you get less entry? I don't think you are crazy--bugs are gross, especially the meaty ones with lots of legs. I once lived in an apt with cockroaches and I almost had a nervous breakdown.