First things first: Michael did great at his first day of drop off. I managed to get out the door without any tears. Michael didn't cry either. He was cute, on the ride over I heard him opening his lunchbox to check and see what I had packed him.
Ok, now on to me.
I'm not a big fan of resolutions, but last year I decided to set a weight loss goal. Which I reached. Yay! And then crashed and burned by gaining back more than I lost. Boo!
I've been exercising and eating responsibly for about 10 years, so I didn't really need to make any changes to stick to my goals. In fact, I did stick to my exercise plan and even started running last year. I'm very proud of that, and I'm excited to start running again when it warms up.
Over the past few weeks I've been looking back to figure out what went wrong. Beyond the obvious problem of eating too much. I needed to figure out why I was eating too much. So, I looked at my exercise and weight tracking for the year and noticed when I started putting on the pounds again. It was in the late summer. Right about the same time that my mom learned that she needed to have surgery. You know, when I had to figure out child care for Michael for an undetermined amount of time. Also, about the same time that I started eating two bags of Synder's sourdough pretzels every day with my lunch (at about 500 calories!)
I've also been reading "Raising Your Spirited Child". As I mentioned yesterday, Michael isn't the easiest kid out there, so I picked up the book hoping to get more ideas on how to motivate Michael while limiting threats and punishments. The premise of the book is that spirited kids have a certain mix of temperamental attributes that can make them challenging. I went through all nine attributes and it identified Michael as a borderline spirited child. Then, it had me go back and see how I rate. Um... It turns out I'm a spirited adult.
Ok, I already knew that, but it was just the reminder that I needed right now. You would think standing in the hallway of my mom's apartment building with tears running down my face would have clued me into how stressed out I was, but I think I was too stressed to deal with it at the time. But, looking back over the past few months I've had to deal with a lot of change; which I hate. My mom was also very stressed out and depressed; which my overly sensitive self was picking up and feeding into my own stress. To add to the problem, I wasn't using Andy or my friends to help me deal with my problems; I was trying to do it by myself. Turns out, I didn't do a very good job.
I considered setting the goal to handle stress better this year, but I decided that would just stress me out, so to try and reach my goal, I'm not setting a goal. To reach this goal that I haven't set for myself, I'm going to need to learn how to handle my spirited self a little better. I have no idea how I'm going to do that. A few things that I've considered are: getting my hair dyed back to close to my natural color so I don't have to do root maintenance, giving up my farm on Farmville, work harder at getting enough sleep, and sucking it up and leaning on my support network when I need to.
I have no idea how well I'll do, but I really do need to make some changes and chill out a little. So wish me luck on my resolution that I refuse to make.