Hmm...How to start? I have no clue, so I'm just going to dive in and see what comes out. I used to do that with papers in college. I could never write the first sentence until I had already written half of the paper. I guess that's just a feature of the way I write. I don't always have a complete idea of what I want to say until I've already spilled half of it.
I have this here blog thingy-do, and I'm wondering what to do with it. I enjoy blogging, but I've been starting and not finishing posts a lot lately. The problem isn't writer's block. It's more a matter of the fact that I'm no longer comfortable posting many things about my favorite blog topic. Michael.
Last night, while Michael was waiting for me to bring him something from the kitchen, he scanned my bookshelf and found a copy of Fox in Socks. He pulled it out and climbed onto the sofa and started to try and read the book. He kept spelling words and asking me what they were. It was a really awesome moment for me. I finally came in, sat next to him, and we worked on reading the box together.
While he's still my baby, and he's only 4.5 years old, he's also becoming an aware and sensitive individual. At 2.5, I never really worried about how he would feel 10 years from now when he read what I wrote about him on my blog. Letter obsession, dinosaur obsession, and picky eater. Fairly common little boy stuff. But he's changed a lot since then. Well, he's still into letters and dinosaurs, and he's still a picky eater...but he's also so much more.
The other night during dinner, Michael actually tried everything on his plate. He liked the chicken and he liked the rice, but after giving the green beans a fair try, he said he didn't like them. I started to respond to him, but before I said anything he said, "I know I'm missing out on foods because I don't like them." It wasn't snarky or rude. It was just acknowledging a comment that Andy and I have made about a hundred times. It was clear that he gets it. He's considered what we have said, and in this case he's made the decision that he does not like green beans.
Things like that are happening a lot now. The questions he asks and the things he says show a greater depth of understanding and a greater level of awareness. Things embarrass him now. Things make him uncomfortable. And he can articulate that to us. For that reason, I don't always feel that it's right to post some of the things he says and does. If I think that it would embarrass him now, or later, I have a responsibility not not share that with the internet where anyone can read it.
So, I'm trying to figure out what exactly my blog is going to be now. This has never been a blog simply for keeping track of memories. (If it was, my frequent missing of holiday posts would be a major fail) So, please be patient with me as I try to work out where I'm going with all of this.