Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Did I Really Just Say That?

Now that everyone is on the mend and catching up on sleep, we are all in a much better mood. Last night, after picking up Michael's new bike, we all relaxed and ended up having a major tickle wrestle battle. There was much giggling and a few wedgies were given. The perfect night in my little world.

After we were done, Andy left the room to exercise and Michael and I continued to chat. I don't remember what we were talking about, but Michael made a comment about when he's 92. Before I knew what was happening, I heard these words coming out of my mouth. "When you are 92, I'll be dust."

What!...where did that come from and why on earth did I say it?

Needless to say, Michael found them to be upsetting.

"But mommy, you'll still be real, right?" Which is his way of asking if I'll still be alive.

Crap, crap, crap. Do I lie and comfort him? Do I distract and try to avoid the topic? I was completely cornered knowing that I couldn't do either. So, Michael and I had a little discussion about how people die when they get older while he cried and clung to me. It was both sweet and sad and I feel like a complete ass for slipping to begin with.

As a mom, I want so badly to protect him from everything. I don't want him to worry that someone he loves might die. But, the reality is that one of these days he won't just have to learn about the idea of people dying, he'll have to face it as a reality. And there is nothing in this world that I can do to protect him from that. The best I can do is prepare him with knowledge and make sure he knows that I'm always there if he needs me.

I assure you, the mama bear in me does not like this at all. Not one little bit.


LauraC said...

My children must be psychopaths because they talk about us dying ALL THE TIME. Without emotion.

It's really all because of that graveyard discussion when we were stuck in the car for WD PA.

Lindsay said...

What Laura said. JTC and I just had a similar discussion, and it was very matter-of-fact. He didn't care one smidge.

Kara said...

Oh I'm sorry. I had a slip up like that a few weeks ago, except it was about Kendall going away to college (we were probably watching Toy Story 3). She got so upset and asked me why I wanted her to move away. She was crying and everything. I'll admit I teared up too. She says she is never moving away and getting her own house. I can't even imagine how she will handle the death conversation when we have it.

Karen said...

Just finished blogging about a similar conversation that Michael and I had Monday night. Must be something with 4 year olds.

Julie said...

Oh man, it must be the age. Lana burst into sad tears the other night at bedtime and when I asked her what was wrong, she told me she was thinking about me dying. She was so so sad. The thing is, death is not a taboo or new topic in our house--we talk about my dad up in heaven all the time and how mommy gets sad sometimes, especially when we go to the cemetery. There must be something developmentally about realizing that their parents will eventually die. Of course, I wouldn't recommend bringing it up or anything--lol!