Wednesday, January 4, 2012


The ill fated 2011 is over. I know I'm not the only one who had a rough year, and I'm hoping that all of my friends and family who struggled through 2011 find 2012 to be a better year. This is the time when everyone does their resolutions and sets their goals for the coming year, and I'm no different. I typically look over my life and come up with my goals based on where I want to go over the next 12 months. Being a program management type person, this typically involves a list with measurable objectives that I can track throughout the year.

I'm not going to do that this year.

The only concrete goal I have this year is to lose the 10 pounds I gained over the past 12 months. I've lost those 10 pounds before, I can lose them again. In fact, I'll probably lose them again and again over the years. I'm fine with that. I'm still 35 pounds under my highest weight, so it's all good.

This year, I will not be tracking the miles I've moved or the minutes I've worked out. There will be no spreadsheets. Thanks to doing that in the past, I've established a pretty good routine of working out 3-4 times a week, and I'll stick with that routine. It's working, so no reason to change it.

A more vague fitness goal is to do something about rediscovering my waist. I know I have one somewhere, it's just a matter of doing the right kind of work so that I can find it again. One reason is comfort. I have long, skinny legs and to get a good fit on my waist I have to go baggy with my legs or to get a good fit on my legs I have to squish the daylights out of my tummy. The second reason is so I can avoid those awkward moments when an acquaintance is looking me over trying to figure out if I'm pregnant or not, and hoping they make the right choice not to say anything about it because I'm not.

I have other things in mind for 2012, but I don't know how to express them well or how to execute them.

Humor is a very important element in my life. Everyone in my family has a great sense of humor and I have been joking and laughing since I was a child. It's a key feature in how we communicate and how we tell stories. It's part of how we connect with one another. We have running jokes that have been going on for 30+ years at this point. Humor is interwoven throughout the threads of my life.

I lost my humor last year, and with it I lost laughter, joy, and the connections that it brings. If you've been reading my blog, you know that I'm a story teller and you know that I often focus on the hilarity I find in everyday life. Without humor, I struggled to write posts. Not because nothing was going on, but because the language I use to express myself was silenced. For those of you with blogs, you know that I used to leave frequent comments. I love comments on my blog, so I assume people love comments on their blogs. But without my humor, I often started to post but would delete my comments because I couldn't finish them. I was there all along, but I was silent.

I don't want to be silent this year. I want my voice back. I want my humor back.

In December, I decided to take a break. I took a break from exercising. Some nights, I did work on our bathroom project. Other nights I took a nap on the sofa while Andy and Michael were at karate. I also relaxed my diet a bit and ate some of those foods that I normally fight so hard to resist. At the end of my work year, I even used two precious vacation days so that I could have several quiet days to myself before the craziness of the winter break hit. It recharged my energy and allowed me to take care of all of those stupid little things that have been nagging at me for months. It allowed me to collect my thoughts for the first time in a year.

I'd like to say my sense of humor is back. I'd like to say that I'll be posting frequently like I used to. I want that to be true. But, I'm too afraid to commit. As I said yesterday, last year tore away the illusion that things will always work out. I know I've gone too far the other direction, in that I know fear that something bad is always just around the corner. I'm afraid to trust that the good feeling I have now will linger.

But, I will say this, I'm going to try and laugh this year. I know it doesn't sound like much, but really, it means everything.


LauraC said...

I can help you with this resolution in 2012! How about in February?

I noticed a change in your comment tone through the year. They used to be longer and more entertaining. I'd like to see old Joanna back. So would my aunts, they loved reading your comments.

Aly said...

Welcome back! I've missed your blog and your stories!

Carrie77 said...

Your post made me a little sad. Things may not always work out, but we can't let it consume us. We have to make the best of life, if not for our happiness, but for our childrens happiness and innocence. Rough patches are hard, and there are so many more of them it seems the older we get, and its so easy to want to give up or let them take our spirit. Maybe this year you can really let the old Joanna shine again, and try not to look back on the past too much. Keep looking forward.

Maria said...

So glad you're back! I've missed the old (no, you're not old) Joanna! Hoping for a much more relaxed, joyful, humor filled year for you!

Word verification 'oy fun'

Deanna said...

Well expressed and I empathize with you. I still visit your blog regularly and can't wait to see the good things that this year holds in store.

Karen said...

I will help Laura with the resolution in February as well!

Laughter is the best medicine as they say (not sure who they are but it works).