Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Proud Moments in Parenting - Christmas Edition

They brought Santa to the local malls early this year.  Normally they wait until after Thanksgiving and the malls are so packed that you can barely even see Santa when you walk by.  At first, I was annoyed at the rush.  If we keep going at this rate, the Christmas shopping season is going to start in August, and old guys in red suits will be permanently stationed under dusty pine trees in every mall.  But then I realized that this could mean Michael could actually sit on Santa's  lap without me being forced to deal with the crazy crowds.

The weekend before Thanksgiving, we drove up to one of the smaller malls in the area.  As we walked by the central court area, we discovered a semi-respectable. "Michael, look it's Santa!  Do you want to sit on his lap and tell him what you want for Christmas?" I asked.

"Yes.  But I want to prank Santa."  He replied.

Andy and I both raised our eyebrows at this development.

"I think it's a bad idea to prank Santa. He'll only bring you coal if you do that." Andy smartly replied.

"He's just a guy in a suit!" Michael retorted.  He's got a point.

"Well, you know those men are Santa's helpers and they report back to Santa, so you don't want to prank them.  Plus, I've heard that sometimes the real Santa comes and fills in for the helpers so they can take a break."  I explained.  When did lying become so easy?

"I still want to prank him.  When I get to his lap, I'm going to fart on him." Michael proudly announced.

"Um...um..." I sputtered trying to suppress my laughter. 

We directed Michael away from Santa and distracted him by taking him to Game Stop instead. As funny as it is in thought, I would be mortified if my child actually intentionally farted on Santa's lap.

We did actually survive the traditional mall Santa photo-op the next night with nothing more mortifying than Michael asking for a NEW iPad to replace his old one, but I'm sure we haven't heard the end of this.  On Thanksgiving, we told my family about what Michael had said...and my sister offered to pay him ten bucks if he farts on Santa next year.

Great, just great.